Thanksgiving Weight Loss in 10 Easy Steps

turkeyGo home, Richard Simmons. I’m happy to share a simple 10 step plan that will allow you to lose weight even during the food-loaded holiday of Thanksgiving!

Step 1: Breastfeed an insatiable baby in the middle of a growth spurt.

Step 2: Eliminate dairy, your main food group, due to your baby’s allergy.

Step 3: Eliminate bread and cookies, your second and third major food groups, by visiting and staying with a family that eats gluten free.

Step 4: Play “dodge the drunk uncle” as everyone but you refills their wine glasses

Step 5: Weep silently into your plate of rabbit food as you watch your family members devour a pile of buttery mashed potatoes

Step 6: Abandon your plate of rabbit food halfway through to attend to a baby who has managed to shoot poop out the front, back, and sides of a diaper.

Step 7: Carry a 15 pound weight up the stairs 20 times a day in an attempt to get said weight to take a nap

Step 8: Run up and down the stairs every ten minutes to check whether the baby is sleeping (spoiler alert: she’s not)

Step 9: Walk 1/2 mile with a 15 pound weight to get said weight to finally fall asleep

Step 10: Hold a 15 pound weight over your head to keep said weight away from overly enthusiastic dogs

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s